I sit down in the chair and Mr. Dentist comes bounding in, like a school girl, saying, "what's new? What's going on? Tell me everything." I'm totally not even kidding. So I think to myself for a minute. Hmmmmmmmmmm, is he asking about teeth/dentistry stuff? Or are we to the point in our relationship where I can ask him about that rash on my butt? I decide to play it safe. "oh not much. Still having bad teeth." he just laughs and lowers my chair. He's a fun guy.
Question: when i'm in the dentist chair am I supposed to close my eyes and play it way cool? Or do what I normally do, which is stare straight ahead, all gimpy and wide-eyed, hoping to high-heaven he is looking in my mouth at all times and not at my mass of facial imperfections? This one confuses me to no end.
After numbing me up good and plenty, like those sick licorice candies, he proceeds to place on a dental dam(which is a green sheet of latex stuff they put around the tooth that needs work or something or other. I think. I don't actually know), while cranking my mouth open with a pint-size version of that tool the Gynecologist uses to check my business. It's pretty much all downhill from there in my head because all I can think about is birthing babies. Out of my mouth. I begin to feel a bit invaded. My mouth is stretched so far that when the dentist says, "we're just going to open you up a little wider" I have a split-second thought: dude, I can barely fit a whole lemon in this thing and you want me to pretty much fit a watermelon? A tad dramatic, yes. come on, guys, he had pretty much given me an epidural of the mouth!
Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, he then says, "move your head to the side a snitch. Yeah, that's a real dentist word. There's plenty more where that came from." what? I don't even know what that means. But it's funny. And like I said, he's a fun guy. I think one day I'd like to be his dental hygienist. And I've never even thought of being anyone's dh before. But I'd be his.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
It's about time, I know.
I haven't had the urge to blog recently, as you may have noticed. Partially because I've been busy, partially because I have no camera with which to take beautiful pictures to go along with my posts, but mostly because nothing is happening all. The. Time. I know, I know, I just said three lines above that we've been busy. But it's doing all the same stuff you're all doing and probably blogging about already.
So begins the random list of nothing and everything.
1. We recently went to Portland for our summer vacation and it was delightful. We got to see my sister and her darling family. Then i cried the first two hours of the drive home.
2. We go swimming. All the time. Atticus is a freaking nut job in the water. We start at zero entry, right? Then he continues to walk and walk. And walk, not allowing me to hold his hands, until at last his head is completely immersed, like baptism day. I pull him out and he's all like, what? Then grins. It drives me insane. I hate near-drowning children the most.
3. Scarlett recently strolled the hood carrying a water bottle in a brown paper bag. Yes. Just like the homeless and the alkies. This deserves it's own spot because of it's sheer awesomeness. I'm not bragging that she may one day pin that moment to be the beginning of the end for her but you have to admit she's one tough chick.
4. Atticus is all of a sudden 4 yrs old. We shaved his stupid head and it's probably my biggest regret. Of my life. Bigger than that one time I....well, you get the idea. The point is that he looks huge. I hate hugeness. I hate huge-looking babies. Plus, if I can't convince lee that four kids is our future, addy just may be my last human baby.
5. We saw shrek forever after or shrek the final chapter or shrek 4 (not sure of the official title) and I thought it was superb. Definitely the summer blockbuster. "do the roar" "I love you, daddy". Go see it. Now. After reading this.
6. Summer is my favorite season. I hate the heat. I hate that I "can't" wear tank tops but man, all of the craziness that is our summer is soooooo fun. BBQ's, swimming, fireworks, carnivals, night games, camping, staying up late, no actual schedule, kids playing all day with friends, etc. It's why I became a mom. All for summer. I birthed three chitlins for the sake of reliving my summers past. I'm that mom who cries when her kids are riding on the gayest ride ever, the carrousel. Fo real.
7. I am excited and not excited for the twilight summer concert series. The bands that are coming are well-liked by me but the crowd is not. I have not decided what I am going to do about this. It's free, which is a plus but I can handle only so many hipsters in one place.
8. We may be moving. Again. Our lease is up at the end of august, which is very soon. Maybe even too soon to decide where to go from here. We have a few places in mind. I'll keep you updated on this...
9. I still need that haircut I blogged about during my tax return post. I wear it up everyday in a clip thing. Sure, it's easy but time for a change.
So begins the random list of nothing and everything.
1. We recently went to Portland for our summer vacation and it was delightful. We got to see my sister and her darling family. Then i cried the first two hours of the drive home.
2. We go swimming. All the time. Atticus is a freaking nut job in the water. We start at zero entry, right? Then he continues to walk and walk. And walk, not allowing me to hold his hands, until at last his head is completely immersed, like baptism day. I pull him out and he's all like, what? Then grins. It drives me insane. I hate near-drowning children the most.
3. Scarlett recently strolled the hood carrying a water bottle in a brown paper bag. Yes. Just like the homeless and the alkies. This deserves it's own spot because of it's sheer awesomeness. I'm not bragging that she may one day pin that moment to be the beginning of the end for her but you have to admit she's one tough chick.
4. Atticus is all of a sudden 4 yrs old. We shaved his stupid head and it's probably my biggest regret. Of my life. Bigger than that one time I....well, you get the idea. The point is that he looks huge. I hate hugeness. I hate huge-looking babies. Plus, if I can't convince lee that four kids is our future, addy just may be my last human baby.
5. We saw shrek forever after or shrek the final chapter or shrek 4 (not sure of the official title) and I thought it was superb. Definitely the summer blockbuster. "do the roar" "I love you, daddy". Go see it. Now. After reading this.
6. Summer is my favorite season. I hate the heat. I hate that I "can't" wear tank tops but man, all of the craziness that is our summer is soooooo fun. BBQ's, swimming, fireworks, carnivals, night games, camping, staying up late, no actual schedule, kids playing all day with friends, etc. It's why I became a mom. All for summer. I birthed three chitlins for the sake of reliving my summers past. I'm that mom who cries when her kids are riding on the gayest ride ever, the carrousel. Fo real.
7. I am excited and not excited for the twilight summer concert series. The bands that are coming are well-liked by me but the crowd is not. I have not decided what I am going to do about this. It's free, which is a plus but I can handle only so many hipsters in one place.
8. We may be moving. Again. Our lease is up at the end of august, which is very soon. Maybe even too soon to decide where to go from here. We have a few places in mind. I'll keep you updated on this...
9. I still need that haircut I blogged about during my tax return post. I wear it up everyday in a clip thing. Sure, it's easy but time for a change.
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