speaking of "does this make my ass look big"?

the past few days i've been unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse of my love handles, muffin top, or what have you, that just won't quit. when this happens i want to shout at lee or the kids, "who left the cottage cheese out again?!" only to smack myself with reality that, hey! that's me there. this throws me into an obsessive frenzy. we're talking like, amy-fisher-shot-joey-buttafuoco's-wife-in-the-face obsessive. and then it makes me go all lorena bobbit.

and when this happens i usually beat myself up about it, vowing to try harder to be a little better ;) only to treat myself with not one, but two, bowls of cocoa krispies for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. or all three, if i'm feeling really awesome about myself. it's one continuously vicious cycle.

i'm going on a cruise in like 4 months. if i get all healthy & do it the right way, that's only a 24-lb loss. then that thought just throws me back into the frenzy and i get all orangey-birdy in a factory cuckoo for coco puffs.

but i'm willing to try. cause that is like losing 2 dress sizes, which is like losing two whole nicole richies. cause we all know she is scrawny as hell. and we all know how. sometimes i wish i could lack morals like her.

but my mama taught me better.