visions of sugarplums

lee & i are planning on going on a cruise for our ten year anniversary in may. now, i have never been on one before so i'm super thrilled. for real. like, pee-my-pants excited. like, punch-someone-random-in-the-face cause i'm so excited. like when my husband was a kid riddled with ADD, probably even ADHD, & he'd be so excited about something he'd just hit people.

however, everytime i envision myself on said cruise this is what i see: i'm dancing around, wildly, in a little bikini, holding a huge bottle of some sort of alcohol that is almost empty, being all loud. well, more like obnoxious and eating a butt-load of food. and hanging all over strangers. probably even the strange strangers.

then i do a reality check and say to myself:

self, you've had 3 kids. 3. kids. liposuction & boob lift first, then bikini. no one wants to have nightmares of a giant, gurgling hamburger tummy chasing them.

and second, self, if you'll remember, you don't know what alcohol is, let alone even drink alcohol.

when i take a step back & look at this scenario, i'm reminded that it is very similar to the last ten years of tara reid's existence.

so then i grab my oversized robe. and tie that b*tch tight.