Dr. worst-in-the-world & her unruly patient

 i've been sick the past few days. pretty much deathbed sick. well, deathbed by my terms. and by my terms, i mean hypochondriac terms. and by hyochondriac i mean that's what lee thinks i am. i very well could be, i suppose, but let's face it i'm not. 
 i contracted strep somehow forever ago & about every other month, it seems, streptococcus likes to ruin my life. i can usually sense it coming but this time it just hit me. like a total sucker punch. no warning. i was in bed for two solid days & after countless, useless baths, severe cold meds, & up to my eyeballs with guilt, i had had enough.

so friday night, feeling like i would never be cured & lying in bed, i told my kids i needed medicine. thus began a grueling round of doctor/patient play. london was first.

she asks, "what are you symptoms?"

i reply with, "headache, achey body, sore throat. there's a medical book out on the couch if you need it." (i was browsing thru the book to diagnose myself. i have strep, no, scarlet fever, no, rheumatic fever, no...hypochondriac? nah)

she then proceeds to take notes & head out of the room. after a few mintues she returns with, "well, i looked in the book and it seems you have cluster headaches."

"cluster headaches? ok. well i feel pretty lousy so can i have my pain killers now? i'm in pain."

"yeah, in about, oh, 2 hours."

"2 hours! what kind of hospital is this?! i can't wait that long, doc."

"should we make it 3 hours?" yes, the doctor actually threatened to withold my meds. what a crock. i mean, really. then she leaves me her extension of 957 in which to reach her, should i "need anything else."

ok, well, her turn is over. she's fired, to say the least. let's see if scarlett can do better.

"hi. i'm dr. joseph. what's wrong with you?" good start, i guess.

"i'm sick. my throat hurts, my body aches, & i need medicine."

"ok. does your sore throat make you feel happy or sad?"

"sad." she then proceeds to write she is sad on my medical chart.

"looks like you have cluster headaches. well, i'll just be out here if you need me. my number is 957."

i start to throw a fit and scream, "no! i need my medicine." london decides to call security so i calm down. there's no way i'm letting them throw me in the looney bin. i mean, i only suffer from cluster headaches. let's not overreact.

i'm calm and dr. joseph decides to give me my medicine and ask, "does your medicine make you feel happy or sad?"

"happy."

she writes she is happy on my chart.

can you see why i adore my children? they have these incredible imaginations.

i really should play with them more often.